Behind Our Backs: what folks say about the obese

When I was a child, I was the brunt of cruel remarks, jokes, and gestures from other kids. By the time I was in high school, all but the toughest and rowdiest of the low track kids (we were tracked in those days, and the least academic kids were designated for shop and home arts classes) had been civilized, and those cruelties stopped. No, I usually was not asked to dance at parties, but then, I wasn’t invited to many parties. But no one directly pointed, sneered, called me names or made fun of me – not that I was aware of at least.

I grew up with the reality that people thought fat people were okay to be friends with, but not so much to date. There were really not many fat kids around when I grew up, so I was pretty much left to my own psychological devices to figure out anything like that; in the face of a lack of information we most often draw erroneous conclusions. Even if boys liked me, I think that, in retrospect, they’d have been too afraid of getting teased by their buddies to take me anywhere. (At the time, almost all of my friends were boys; I was one of the guys. I always thought they didn’t date me because of that. Denial and false reality were at work even when I was 14.) While there was pain, embarrassment, and shame in the slights I received, no one made it an issue to my face.

As an adult, I can only remember ever meeting one person who disliked fat people enough to say something. I was in a seminar in  Santa Rosa, and we had been paired for a discussion. Victoria was in her early 20’s, about 5’ tall, and I doubt if she weighted 90 pounds soaking wet. In fact, she was so small, the charming dress I complimented her on turned out to be from  Macy’s children’s department. (I was in my early 30’s, 5’7” tall, and weighted in the neighborhood of 230 pounds.)

When she looked me square in the eye and said, I can’t do this. I have an aversion to fat people; they disgust me, and I can not sit here with you and do this, and she got up and walked away to ask the leader for a new partner, I literally had to tell myself to bring my jaw up from floor level and get the look of shock out of my eyes. (My eyes took care of themselves, as they immediately welled up with tears that silently spilled over as I hurriedly left the room.)

I thought that there was something seriously wrong with that girl; no one I had ever met had expressed any dislike for or prejudice towards fat people. It took almost forty adult years, but I know now what a sheltered life I led. (And  Victoria, where ever you are, I thank you for the directness and kindness in the manner of your delivery; I only wish it had opened my eyes.)

There are millions of people out there who hate fat people, are disgusted or revolted by them, and who are quite vocal about it, and the upper middle class, white, suburban world from which I drew my conclusions about reality was far from representative of the rest of the world. This unbridled animosity is particularly fierce towards women. I’m glad I was spared the pain, but this ignorance of mine put me at a disadvantage in the world, and, as I look back on twenty five years as an educator, I shudder to think what people actually thought, and what they must have said behind my back, my well brought up colleagues and the polite young parent/guardians I worked with in the public school system.

I wonder now, as I reflect on the blinders I have worn for some thirty-five adult years: what signals did I miss? Were people saying things about my weight behind my back? Did my colleagues treat me like everyone else and then make comments about my size, or how my clothes fit, or that I was gaining weight again? Did they express disgust about me? Did subordinates hold their tongues because of my position? Did men who were pleasant to my face tell their friends they thought they’d never get away from that (fill in the blank); at this point, I’d rather not; I am ready to let that part of the past to go away from my memory, to let the old me we call Blue (from the picture of me in the blue school T-shirt on the back of my books) become a ghost of my past and anything I don’t know about how people talked about me is probably a good thing.

I do know how many times I have heard others talking about someone where fat was the determining descriptor: not, Hey, remember that blonde from the store yesterday, you know, the one with the really long hair and the… (whatever), but Hey, remember that fat chick…. You can bet that whatever they had in mind to say was not going to be nice; it certainly wasn’t being brought up to ask how to get a date with the person being discussed.

The following is only a sampling of opinions about fat people, and fat women. I have only included those sentiments which are exemplary; no radical rantings of fat phobics. These are the kinds of comments made by every day working people who lead normal lives; this is what there is. The combination of my upbringing and the fantasy fog I spent most of my life in kept it from my awareness. Even if no one had directly confronted me with these ideas, one would think I’d have known they were out there – I was not isolated. I’d lived in several states, met thousands and thousands of people from all over the world at various conferences and trainings. I had my Masters. I wasn’t stupid. It was simply an additional brutality of obesity, another way the psychology of obesity kept me from seeing, just as it kept me from seeing what was being reflected back to me in the mirror each morning – if I even looked.

Fortunately – or unfortunately – the majority of people who feel this way do not go out of their way to say these things to the obese. But they say it behind our backs, for sure, and sadly hurt people verbally with their beliefs all too often.

Caution: while I was selective of the things I chose to include (no one needs to be exposed the X-rated anti-fat mongering that is prevalent), these statements are straightforward verbalizations of fat haters. It is not my intention to offend anyone, but these comments are pretty brutal.

ALL INDENTED, ITALICIZED STATEMENTS BELOW ARE AS THEY ARE PRESENTED ON THE INTERNET, WITH THE

EXCEPTION OF PROFANITY THAT HAS BEEN DELETED OR REWORDED IN PARENTHESIS.

I think it's important we start telling people how fat and disgusting they are. It’s the first step towards actually improving it. If I don’t make a point of it, then they’re just going to keep stuffing their faces like it’s okay. It’s not. It’s dangerous and disgusting.

Three university students, young good looking males, were walking past me looking around and then one of them said ‘too fat’. Maybe that wasn't to my face but it made me so angry. I wanted to tell them off, but of course I didn't.

Why can't people take responsibility for their actions and their decisions? If you are fat, it is because of the decisions you have made, not because of your skin color or your economic situation. As for the argument that poor people don't have time to exercise, they certainly find time to watch TV!

All fat people stink, they sweat heavily, and they can't control their eating.

Fat people are all overeating slobs. Just eat less, you pigs.

I only date fat chicks because they give better sex. It's like they know they have to work harder because they're fat, so they are great in bed. Besides, a fat chick will never cheat on you or leave you. They're just grateful to have a man.

I don't hate (having sex with) fat chicks, I hate them period. I hate seeing them, talking to them, thinking about them, and pretending they're people. The only thing I do enjoy is insulting them. The problem with fat chicks is their mentality. If you can't sing, don't claim to sing well. If you're fat, don't claim you're attractive and deserve the same respect as a woman who takes the time to watch her weight. That's all. If they would accept their lot in life and get over it, I would have no problem with them. But all this crap about "big and beautiful" makes them sound just like they look - disgusting.

I HATE fat people. Basically, it's not so much hate, as disgust. How can you let your body get like that? It's gross to look at. Exercise, you fat ____. If you're fat, stop eating. You're impeding on my personal space with your fat. You force me to witness the most degrading sights ever seen.

The majority of men feel fat women are like a motor scooter - they’re fun to ride till your friends see you on one.

Fat people eat too damn much, they smell, and they have no respect for their bodies. Then they have the audacity to demand respect and special accommodations. Why do they think they deserve them when their obesity is their own fault?! Here is a suggestion; put down your damn fork and step away from the fridge! By the way fat women, the average man doesn't want to see your heavy pendulous breasts sagging in a spaghetti strap tank top, or your cellulite thighs bursting out of mini skirts and daisy dukes.

Fat men, quit hitting on us thin women. I don't want your fat ass anywhere near us! Your fat makes you ugly to us. I don't think you're teddy bear cuddly, I think you're disgusting.

To all you people saying it's the government's fault, it's society's fault, it's the fast food industry's fault: Stop it. You're making me almost as sick as the thought of eating as much as you guys do is. o you want to know why you're fat? You! Notice how I said "you're fat," not "the government is fat," or other stupid stuff. To those who are fat and like it, shut up and go order some more pizza so I don't have to see your face in public.

Every time I see another one of these lard-ass women parading around in some skimpy outfit, it makes me impotent for weeks. I don't get it. Is it part of that whole "acceptance" thing? Is it that stupid mentality that we're all beautiful and that having a gut is cute? Trust me, your gut (and it is a gut, not a "tummy") is not as sexy as you think. It's nauseating. If you don't have the body for it, then why wear a tiny midriff t-shirt that accentuates your bulbous lard sack?

Fat people just piss me off! One of the most annoying aspects of a fatty is the amount of space (the ‘footprint’, if you will) they occupy. Do you ever notice just how hard it is to get around these tubs of lard as they walk single, double or even triple down a hallway or sidewalk (but usually double is enough to more than fill all available space)? And do you further notice that when you try to squeeze your thinner ass past them (for they no longer walk but lumber/waddle at an infuriatingly slow pace) they get indignant? Moreover, do you ever notice they usually tend to walk in a herd of two or more? At work doesn’t it annoy you when you need to get to some papers or to the copier or computer, etc. when a fatty is standing in they way and you just can not get around their astronomical ass? However, if that is not enough, they seem to relish being annoying in such a manner, having a smug attitude after you are inconvenienced by having to plot a course around their equator. Just today as I was riding my bike to work I had to ride in the rough to get around two fatties lumbering down the sidewalk, who where then (surprise!) indignant that I went around them.

Look, I will say up front that I am a doctor (that is an M.D., not a chiropractor, not a dentist, not a Ph.D) and I will tell you from many years of school and residency that there are some basic things all fatties (in fact, all people) should understand. Are you all ready? This is some pretty basic shit that most people will never grasp:

1.   90% of your weight gain is from what you put in your mouth. Re-read this first sentence until it sinks in! Think of calories like money in a checking account: if you balance the books at the end of the day your weight will stay the same. If you expend more than you take in you WILL lose weight.

2.   Fat people expend more calories than thin (as much as that sucks for thin people). No really, a 350-pound fatty will burn in the neighborhood of 3000-4000 calories a day carrying around all that extra lard! A thin person does 2000-2500. Therefore, fat people do need to eat a hell of a lot more to keep (and gain!) weight3.    Re-read #1 and #2 again and put down the cakes and the pies and the chips and the cookies and get off your fat ass and get some God Damned exercise!

4.    Realize that with the exception of rare (and often fatal!) genetic diseases, there is really no medical condition that makes you gain weight and not be able to take it off. Diabetes, hypothyroidism, “slow metabolism” (whatever that means), hormones and “genetics” (the tar-baby of all fatty excuses) may make it harder to lose weight as quickly but will never stop you from losing weight (re-read #1 through #3).

Therefore, I will say with authority that FAT = LAZY with basically no exceptions. Now for those ready to flame away at your greasy keyboards with your pudgy fingers, take a really, really honest look at who you are, how much you eat and to what extent you exercise and tell me with a strait face that you “eat like a bird” or “just can’t help gaining weight even though I watch what I eat and exercise”. Please, who am I kidding, almost all the fatties will score 0/3 every time.

Obviously this is only a small sampling of the fat bashings of the web. But I’m sure you get the point, and it’s not a point I want to belabor.

The Internet is the world’s fastest means of spreading humor, both written and visual. Someday I expect a Best of the Web collection of the famous ones we have all seen. One of the more recent gems is a picture of a sign on the beach. The sign says No Fat Chicks on the Beach, and, as has become customary for street signs due to the number of illiterates in the country (that’s simply a true statement, and not a slam), below it is smaller sign depicting a picture of a fat woman with the international symbol for no: the red circle with a diagonal line through it. Like  Joyce ash ’s Fat Rant, it appeared one day and seemed to be duplicated on sites everywhere within a few days.

While I do not believe the following opinion is as wide spread as the preceding ones, I find it disturbing enough to include:

“You know what I’m tired of? Fat female actresses. They’re everywhere, and something has to be done. Young girls look up to these women as role models! I can’t be raising a generation of muffin tops the likes of these oinkers (italics mine).”

The truly disturbing thing about this opinion, is that the actresses they picture to illustrate the opinion are J. Lo “a fattie”, Beyonce “heinous”, and Jessica Biel “virtually indistingjuishable from a horse”. Has fat hate gone so far as to include anyone not ultra thin? That alone might not have been enough for me to include it in this chapter, but it comes right on the heels of the following description of an opinion, expressed by  Dick Cavett on the NY Times on line in August of this year:

“…complaining about the fact that television has become more inclusive on including the overweight, in everything from sitcoms to commercials. Cavett is bluntly offended that he now has to look at the occasional fat person on TV, and is furthermore worried that this may actually be leading to... acceptance of said fat people.”

Details, a men’s magazine along the lines of Cosmopolitan, recently published a positive article on actresses “…who hold fast to their cushioned curves even as their peers downsize more aggressively than General Motors….” The picture introducing the article is that of a pig in high heels. The article proclaims thin is out in Hollywood and illustrates it with pictures of the few “chunky” and “curvy” actresses who prove fat is sexy in  Hollywood . The pig’s head is cut out of the picture, just as the news crops out the individuals’ heads when publishing obesity pictures. (By the way, their idea of a fat pig: Drew Barrymore, Elizabeth Taylor, in a slinky evening gown shot from her heyday, and  Catherine Zeta-Jones.) Does anyone else have trouble with the mixed message of an article that purports to applaud actresses maintaining a healthy, curvy body choosing to illustrate that concept with a pig?

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One would think that with the majority of the country now overweight obese the smack talk about obesity would ebb, as has the topic of obesity in stand up comedy. But I don’t see that happening any time in the predictable future.

Americans are divided between those that believe obesity is a personal choice, and a personal responsibility (which implies some blame), and those that believe it is a societal and economic issue. Like it or not, the Nation’s feelings on fat and obesity are polarizing, and no one’s in a generous mood.

 Disclaimer: This article is educational in nature, and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. If you have a medical condition, please consult your physician.

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